Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Greener Pastures.

Its been months since my last post. I have been, once again, caught up with work and life itself. Somehow it is really different when you are working again plus juggling with the daily routines with your everyday. Now this begins my OFW Diary.

I left the Philippines a few days ago to search for a much "greener pasture" in the arid lands of the Middle East. And with this great leap forward, I made a huge sacrifice of leaving my son behind. Both my parents are OFWs and I am not new to this scenario anymore. As a kid, I don't recall crying my heart out cos my Mom or Dad was leaving, they left me when I was only 3 months old. All I can remember was having these "strangers" come and visit me at least once or twice a year. And as I grew up, I told myself that I didn't want that to happen to me when the time comes that I'd become a parent.

Months before my departure, I have consciously conditioned myself to the upcoming situation. Every night before we sleep, I lay awake crying my heart out. And then that one night came, I finally had the guts to sit with him and talk. My son sat in front of me, looking at me with his big round eyes. I had the feeling that he sensed that I had something to tell him.

I told him that I was leaving soon and that he should be good boy while I will be away. The first words that came out of his mouth was, "Upod, baby!" (Upod is an Ilonggo word for COME or to come). At that moment I was surprised that my son understood what I meant at his young age. I just felt that pang of sadness bursting inside of me and I just cried for the nth time.

Leaving my son was the only choice that I had. Sure I had an online job and I work at home, but what I earn isn't enough to sustain us both and well, I had no savings at all. This was the choice I had on my grasp and opportunities like this don't come around often. I had to grab it before its too late.

Even if I couldn't handle the airport drama pretty well, I did my best to hold back the tears that I had left to cry. All I could think of is his smell, his laugh, his little hands, his warmth and the look on his big round eyes. If I submit myself to my weakness of being away from him, I might never have this opportunity come my way again. But I keep my mindset positive...

Positive. Positive.

This is for his future and nothing else.
This is for us.

This is for Wan.