the aftermath of diet pills and excessive obsession of being thin

This is exactly how I have been becoming lately. I feel like all my energy, creativity and ideas have been sucked out of me. Leaving me all helpless. All blank. I have nothing left of me.

Wala na lahat.

Everyday I go online, browsing and browsing some more just to make my mind work. I feel so useless. Its all blank. Blank. Blank. I miss the days when I am all hyped up to shoot. Its been almost a year that I haven't captured a good picture (with exception of Yuan's moments). Sometimes I browse through some of my friends' pages and other people's pages too, I stare at their photos, green with envy. How I wish I still have some of my own. Much as I want to, I lack the inspiration. Which made me think...

am I losing my touch?

I think I am slowly becoming idle. Seeing myself decomposing piece by piece. So empty. I need inspiration. I need my old self again. And then I stop and think again...maybe all that I need is a shag? *Hahahaahahaha!*...more roaring laughter! Maybe I need to get laid. Okay, enough. I have all my reasons to be cynical about love, life, money and everything! And all I could do is roll my eyes. Now, I am being silly again. I have to shake these thoughts out of my head.


"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ..Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." -----The Fight Club


I think I should begin reading Chuck Palahniuk.

*Cheers*